Once again, not sure where to start. It’s only been two weeks but it feels like a year of experience has already transpired. Should I write about kindness and the awe inspiring amounts of it I have been on the receiving end of throughout this transition? Should I write about the relationship between gratitude and fear and how you have to sometimes force yourself to see it one way or the other? Should I write about the crickets? Or how a 5 foot bull snake forced me to start wearing cowboy boots? Or about writing this from a hospital waiting room, waiting for my husband to come out of surgery for his shattered tibia?
Let me start with the crickets. There are crickets!!! Like, a lot of them – in fact, I think there are several living in our new house 🙂 And there are birds! Bright yellow and blue, and most unbelievably, blue heron! And if that didn’t help me feel like New Hampshire is right around the corner, there are also wild turkeys, wandering around the road just like back “home”.
Also wandering around looking at you with wide eyed disbelief: about 300 black Angus cows and their adorable babies. This is in addition to the beautiful horses, elk, antelope, mule dear, and my favorite, jackrabbit – one who has unofficially become our outdoor pet named Sparky (named by my step son Adan – no word yet on getting my Siberian cat or llama).
The first few days were full of alllllll the feelings. Well, truthfully, the very first day was primarily filled with one emotion for me. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Full. On. Meltdown. Yes, I knew there was an enormous amount of beauty and wonder and luck and opportunity surrounding me, and yet the truth was I was completely freaking out. Luckily my good friend Sarah who now lives overseas (after a lifetime in Brooklyn) wrote to me and said when she moved, even on the good days she cried for a month. So I feel a bit more normal. I will admit though, for all the spiritual study I’ve done I’m a little disappointed with myself for not being more graceful through this transition. I know I know. Self compassion. Acceptance. But is it ok that I accept I am disappointed in myself in how hard this transition/letting go is for me?
I’m sure that will be the topic of many a forthcoming blog, so I will move on for now….our home is beautiful. After years of apartment living it feels strange and indulgent to have so much room. It’s a two story “ranch” house (if that makes sense) with lots of room for guests* (hint hint and * once I unearth the floor from all the boxes).
The backyard looks out onto an old stable and the front yard looks out onto what will be the future retreat center (about a half mile away). I am still getting used to how quite it is at night and how our nearest neighbor is three miles away (which is better than 6!).
Also getting used to the fact that everyone, everyone, is telling me I will need to learn to shoot a gun. Not so much because of trespassing but because of various animals such as rattlesnakes, bear and wild cats. Um, hello? Guess no one out here realizes I’ve been trying to practice Ahimsa (non-violence) for the past twenty years. So not quite sure how that will all shake out (future blog post for sure – comments and personal thoughts on that topic welcome below) – but one thing that has definitely changed is my footwear. I arrived in flip flops and my new boss, Rebecca, came over with a pair of cowboys boots. I said thank you but no thank you until this showed up on my back porch one morning:
That’s 5 feet in case you can’t tell. Have I scared you away from coming to visit yet? I hope not: A) he’s a good snake – not a rattler – and has been living at our house longer than us! Apparently just saying hello. And as we bring this property back to life and back into the hands of humans, the animals in general want to leave us alone too. B) If I can get over my city girl dramatized version of “scary” wildlife, I am positive you can too 🙂
Speaking of city girl – number one piece of advice from total strangers so far? Relax. Literal advice (given to me from a kind teacher of spirituality at the oil change place): ” All that fast paced efficient get things done bam bam bam keep moving stuff? You gotta let that go out here”. And: “New Mexico is really healing”.
Most charming thing so far? When the cowboys tip their hat and say “Ma’am”.
Well let me get to the surgery part as the doctor just came out to let us know everything went really well. There is a large cistern that holds water from the 24,000 gallon a day spring on the property. It was being cleaned out the day before so it was empty yesterday morning when the ladder slipped as Brad was climbing in. Long story short, his leg went one way and his body the other. We are so so so lucky it was just a few fractures at the top of his tibia. But certainly this will alter the plan we had envisioned for these first few months out here – so lots of writing material ahead for sure 🙂
For now I’m going to sign off and give my mountain man a big hug…more updates soon….thank you so much for listening/reading – sharing a slice of what’s been going on is good for my soul!
3 thoughts on “?!&?”
Wow you’re really doing it! What a scary, thrilling, courageous, lovely path you both are on! I’m inspired! Lots of love, light and luck !!!
Sending smiles and hugs to You, Brad and Adan, happy to read every word of your adventures in your new home. Linda Buckley and I are planning a visit someday….thanks for letting us all know how it looks from there. Sure looks good from here. Anne
Thanks for the update. Enjoy the Land of Enchantment. also have you heard about the “jackalope” yet?