Darkest Before the Dawn

Apparently it was English theologian Thomas Fuller who first wrote. “‘the darkest hour is just before the dawn”.  No doubt this phrase has given many hope, especially during very challenging of times.  Myself included.

And while I still resonate with this idea, I also can’t help but think back on this tumultuous year and wonder if it’s perhaps a different lesson I am supposed to be learning. I notice a little twang of….something….each time I hear someone say “I can not wait for this year to be over”.  I know what they mean. Like a bad relationship, it’s good when it’s over and you truly move on.  But this year doesn’t feel like a bad relationship to me.  It feels like it was full of things that aren’t going anywhere anytime soon – some with good reason – and thinking things will be magically “better” in 2021 would be to perhaps miss out on a great opportunity.  

Individual circumstance may by easier down the road, but what this year has taught me more than anything is that better doesn’t exist in things going my way.  Better for me has been learning to live more honestly, more fully with my sadness. Anger. Anxiety. Fear. Hope. Better in 2020 has been breaking down my walls of separateness and working harder to understand and change things I didn’t know I didn’t know. Better has been questioning what I say I believe in and what I actually stand up for. Better has been experiencing a deeper level of gratitude through many many tears. Better has been seeing myself differently. Better has been realizing some things should be hard. And fought for. 

I hope 2021 is more like sophomore year, or your second week at a new job. No longer the new kid, you know the ropes a bit and you now know that the ropes are constantly changing. We’ve all learned a lot this year, haven’t we?  So what I really wonder as we step into a “new” year is, what will we do with it all?

***

As we step into 2021, I am wishing you continued health, patience for yourself and others, love for your self and others, and circumstance that are just hard enough that you end up with even more strength and compassion on the other side.

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